A short time late I was awakened by a small hand patting me on the chest. I lifted her into our bed since I knew that was what she wanted. "Poppa, I'm hungry" was next on the hit parade. My first instinct was to tell her no since there was (in my mind) no way this child was hungry. Before she went to bed, she had eaten enough to have fed a small third world village. But she whined and I relented. As I stumbled to the kitchen I muttered to myself (or to the cats) "one day I'm going to wake up and find that she has eaten us." I got some honey ham and brought it back to her.
"No. I don't want that ham." she said as I placed it before her. "I want the other ham." Not being in the best frame of mind at that time of the morning, I grabbed her out of bed and took her to the den where we sat in a battle of wills over honey ham versus lunchables. I did not want the crackers in my bed and we are not running restaurant. Silly I know, we finally after two hours compromised on cereal and grapes and I fed her the cereal so there was no mess. She was happy and I was glad to get back to bed and near as I can tell she still loves me. Lesson learned after bedtime is no time to fight over food.
I remember when she first learned to walk and hadn't learned to talk quite yet. She and I would walk to the mail box when we lived in our apartment. She would chatter the whole way to and from. She would chase after the neighborhood dogs, even though I tried to teach her that you don't run up to strange dogs.
I remember teaching her to walk. Everyday we would come home (Janet wasn't home yet) and I would prop her up against the couch and hold my hands out for her to come to me. What a wonderful day when she took those first steps!
I see Jasmyn learning things differently, she has learned to crawl and she is everywhere we let her go. She just loves to be mobile and I think she may be ready to start learning to walk.
One day in the future I'll be wishing for these days back.
About a month ago we took the girls to see Disney on Ice, and Katie hasn't forgotten. Every time we pass by the coliseum she wants to go in to see the "movie." We would like to take her to see The Wiggles next week but we have visitation that night. We're going to ask Jasmyn's grandfather if he wants to go and bring his other granddaughter.
I don't know if Katie is starting to take to the potty training but she wants to wear underwear, I'm taking this as a good sign. We'll see.
I hope that a job offer comes through soon, because this job is driving me nuts. I know I don't have far to go.
I started to feel better yesterday, especially when I took Katie outside to play with her. It was a beautiful day, but we could only stay outside for so long, before the mosquitoes drove us inside. Katie would have stayed until she became one big bite.
I was well on my way to recovery when I read April's newest post. I knew that she and Brian had gone through a miscarriage. I wanted to say something comforting, but I knew there was nothing to say. That's what I said -- nothing.
But it wasn't the fact that I said nothing that made me sad. It was remembering that years ago Janet and I went through the same thing -- twice. I remember Janet and I crying, and sometimes if I allow myself to dwell on it, I get sad.
I also remember a well meaning Christian brother (I didn't know him very well), offered to talk. He also told us about his experience. I didn't want to hear it, a hug or a pat on the back would have been better.
And so we want to adopt, not to replace the children we've lost, but because we love God, we love each other, and our love grows. There's plenty of room in hearts and our desire is to become a family.
About a month ago, I took the kids to the babysitters and one of the mothers (I was going to say other mothers, but I'm not a mother) arrived. She said "If you need help, I'll take the baby."(I think she just wanted to hold the baby). I said "Okay," and then went around to get Katie out of the car. Katie began to cry and said "My Baby." If we have to give up Jasmyn, it's going to be hardest on Katie. Janet and I won't be far behind though.
The trouble is, I believe, we live in this fast food society where we can go through a drive through and get a tasty but less than nutritious meal in less than five minutes. And we want to do the same thing all the other aspects of our life. We are bombarded with ads like "Get fit in as little as 10 minutes a day!" And we buy into it. But the truth of it is we are just going to have to make some hard choices and turn off the TV. Get off the couch and start to move, eat properly, read our bibles and pray.
Jesus said "But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders." Matthew 15:18-19 (NASB)
Sometimes we get into this mode of "they did this or they did that" and we feel that we are justified in our reactions. But if we use Jesus as our model, we would react differently. I'll confess this is a major issue with me, I usually want my revenge in the form of a harsh word or an evil stare. It is my goal that I become a man of God and I know that the first place to start is my heart. Pray for me that I focus on "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute."
More importantly I must remember to pray for Jasmyn's mom (Lizzie) and grandfather (Blaine). I'm pretty sure they both need the grace of God. I would like to see that relationship healed, but it looks like they need a miracle right now.
Last Thursday we told him that Jasmyn has started crawling and he wanted to see. So he put Jasmyn on the floor and Katie looked a Jasmyn and said "One, Two, Three, GO!!!" I don't need to tell you the adults busted out laughing.
Last night we began a group study of Tedd Tripp's book "Shepherding a Child's Heart." Let me start out by saying even though I've read approximately 50% of the book, I like what he's saying. He talks about getting to the "heart" of the matter or the reason children misbehave. The same reason we do, because our hearts are not right. But my complaint is that there doesn't appear to be any practical application. How do we start to introduce our three year old to Jesus? And then how do we address those issues?
Last night at church I went down to get Katie from the nursery so that she and Janet could go home. Janet was getting Jasmyn, our foster child. Christina our neighbor from across the street was picking up her little girl, Victoria. (Next story I'm just going to post a cast of characters). Christina said, "I'm so lucky to have a child that makes me feel loved." Apparently Victoria had screamed in delight when she saw her mommy. Well knowing that Katie always screams "Pappa" at the top of her lungs whenever she sees me I said "Watch this", and went in to get Katie. She took one looked at me and said "noooo." I was interrupting an important game of "Duck, Duck, Goose." My ego was severely deflated. Oh well very little lasts forever.