A Little Sad

I've been a little sad this weekend...Started to feel better yesterday, but I think I'm sad again. Sometimes it's hard to explain why you feel sad, just that you do. That's the way I felt over the weekend. I'm not sure I why I was sad, I just knew I was. It's fairly odd when I'm sad because I'm usually an upbeat person with temper. So I'm usually happy or angry, mostly happy.

I started to feel better yesterday, especially when I took Katie outside to play with her. It was a beautiful day, but we could only stay outside for so long, before the mosquitoes drove us inside. Katie would have stayed until she became one big bite.

I was well on my way to recovery when I read April's newest post. I knew that she and Brian had gone through a miscarriage. I wanted to say something comforting, but I knew there was nothing to say. That's what I said -- nothing.

But it wasn't the fact that I said nothing that made me sad. It was remembering that years ago Janet and I went through the same thing -- twice. I remember Janet and I crying, and sometimes if I allow myself to dwell on it, I get sad.

I also remember a well meaning Christian brother (I didn't know him very well), offered to talk. He also told us about his experience. I didn't want to hear it, a hug or a pat on the back would have been better.

And so we want to adopt, not to replace the children we've lost, but because we love God, we love each other, and our love grows. There's plenty of room in hearts and our desire is to become a family.


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