Pride

It’s interesting, at least to me, that when I write, I want to write something so profound and earth shattering that it changes the world.  I know that’s really not possible, but it is the way I am.

I’ve also notice that when I think about teaching a Sunday school class, that in my mind I will be so good that they’ll have to build a new building just to hold the class.

I guess there’s really nothing wrong with either of those ideas or thoughts except they leave out God.   How does God get the glory in those mindsets.

Even on a lower level when people come to my house, I want them to have the impression that I’m super spiritual.  (See my cape)  I have commentaries and books on the bible on my shelves.  I really use them, but secretly I want others to see them.

I’ve been noticing that trend, or more likely that God has been showing me this trend in my  thought process. And also showing me that this is pride and this is sin.  This is my sin.

She is Still Around

Jasmyn is still in our lives and we are very grateful.  No, she is not staying with us, but Elizabeth has said that she wants us to see Jasmyn every other week.  We had to think about this for a second and said “Well okay.”  And if you believe that I have some swamp land in Florida for sale.  We are ecstatic.

Blaine is going to keep bringing Nivayah around every week to play with Katie.  So it seems all is right with the world.  Today.

Katie doesn’t seem to notice that Jasmyn is gone.  She taken it all pretty well.  Janet and I have adjusted well.  I think we did all our crying before Jasmyn left.

Now I’m hoping and sometimes praying that I will get the opportunity to share the gospel.  I need to go from sometimes praying to always praying.  I just have such difficulty in this area.

It’s not that I don’t know the importance of prayer, it’s that right now I find it to be a chore.  And many times I don’t know how to start my prayer.  I guess that means that those of you who do need to pray for those of us who don’t so that we will.  Confusing enough?

Cloudy

It’s cloudy outside, sort of like my mood.  Today I handed Jasmyn over for the last time.  It was great to have her again last night, but it was extremely sad to see her go.

Jasmyn was the last of our foster children.  Over the past year we’ve had a multitude of children in our home and now our house seems enormously empty.

There has been so much chaos and noise.  And although Janet and I griped and complained, we loved every minute of it.

So now we wait to see what God has next for us.  I feel like I should be doing something though.  I don’t wait very well.

There is ray of sunshine, Blaine is willing to keep coming out each week and visiting with us even if Jasmyn is not there.  Katie and Nivaya are going to play together while the adults talk.

It’s amazing what kind of skills you learn as a parent.  For instance, carrying on a conversation while the kids scream.

I hope we get to see Jasmyn again.

Janet’s Birthday

Yesterday was Janet’s birthday.  No I won’t tell you how old she is.  We decided to go have a nice dinner to celebrate.  We had a wonderful time.  Katie ate well and was extremely well behaved.  I love family nights like this.

Jasmyn will have her final night home with us tonight.  The social worker will be there at 3:30 to pick up some things to take to Elizabeth.

Jasmyn’s grandfather and cousin will be over tonight for dinner.  Janet and I have discussed it and we would like the visits to continue.  Nivaya (I think that’s how it’s spelled) and Katie get along really well and we would like to continue the relationship. We’ll see how it all goes.

More on Jasmyn

It always seems that I have so much I want to say and when I get to the blank page, my mind is as blank as the page.  Anyway I want to tell you that Jasmyn was back for Tuesday night, just Tuesday night.  She'll be  back again Thursday night, just Thursday night.  Don't ask me -- it doesn't make sense to me either.
It is funny because Jasmyn didn't stray far from me the whole evening, I hated to put her to bed.  I began to exercise and lay down on my back and she climbed up on my stomach.  I'm really going to hate to drop her off for the last time.  She has been an important member of our family for nearly a year.  Janet and I love her so much.


HE Speaks

Don't you just love it when God speaks?  I do.  God spoke to me this weekend.  Janet and I have been praying and trying to figure out how to proceed for foster care/adoption.  And this verse was part of the our Sunday School class lesson.
  • (Gal 6:9)  Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.
We've been considering giving up and just relaxing, but I think that verse is telling us not to quit, but to continue forward.  And we will.
I think sometimes Janet thinks I'm nuts when I talk about this stuff.  I asked her about it and she said "I think you're nuts for other reasons."  She may be right.
When I say we prayed.  I don't want you to think that we are pray warriors or anything.  I only wish that were the case.  I know prayer is important, but that is mostly a head knowledge and not really a heart knowledge.  I think God may be waiting for me to let go.
Katie really hasn't appeared to know Jasmyn is gone.  Maybe that's the status quo, who knows.  She seems to be happy to have "Mommy and Daddy" all to herself.
That's another thing, she's started to call me "Daddy" and sometimes "Dad."  I haven't heard "Poppa" in a while now.  It's okay with me, but Stephanie doesn't seem to like it.  She hasn't said anything though.
Jasmyn will be back tonight, and Friday she'll be gone for good. Hopefully not out of our life.  I have found out that Elizabeth is a good mother who has made some foolish and immature decisions.  That gives me a better feeling about Jasmyn going back.  I've ordered a Bible to give to her and I hope that I have the opportunity to talk to her about Jesus.  If you are a prayer warrior, even if you're not, pray that She is receptive and God speaks to her through me.


She's Back...Er was

Jasmyn came back last night.  Just for one night.  She off again today.  She's a jet setter.  She'll be off hobnobbing with the likes of (gasp) her OWN MOTHER.  Yes she will be off to what I think will be the right place for her.  Although she will be back on Monday and then off again (for good) on Friday.
It was good to see her again last night.  She and I played for awhile, but you know the attention span of your average 18 month old is only slightly less than that of your average 48 year old male.
We had another visit with Blaine, Jasmyn's grandfather.  What a good guy.  He was surprised to find out things were moving along so quickly, but he did say that Elizabeth was a good mother that made some poor choices.  I don't know many 17 year olds who don't make poor choices.  I think there are some of us who never grow out of that.
I still have a slight amount of selfishness and want to keep Jasmyn forever.  I think that's only natural.  I mean she is a beautiful child with such a hearty laugh.
Katie has surprised me.  We were concerned how she would respond to all of this and she doesn't even act like it bothers her.  I think we as parents over analyse everything.
After this, Janet and I have decided to take a break and heal a little.  In the past year we have had Jasmyn, Lindsey, Junior, James, Michael, and four other children in our home.  None of them were for our forever family.  I'm sad for that, but I'm glad we could be there for them.
If you pray, pray for us.  Katie is ours in the respect that we have custody.  But her last name is not ours and we want a child that no one else can lay a claim to.  That seems selfish.
Pray specifically for the that child and that we are prepared. 
In all things Seek God with all your Heart.

His Glory

I have come to a realization.  It's taken me awhile.  Some weeks ago while I was praying I made
a commitment to God to glorify Him no matter the cost.  In light of all that has happened in the
last couple of weeks, it has occurred to me that this was my opportunity to glorify God.  Okay I
know I sound like a fanatic, well I reckon I am.
I remember hearing that some of the young people, who were killed at the YWAM, made the same
commitment.  The result was phenomenal.  I wanted to make a similar impact.
I think to die would have been easier (I am not suicidal - it is definitely not God glorifying).  But
God definitely gets all the glory.  How He gets glorified through this is a mystery to me, but he
knows.
I also realize that these situations puts Janet and me in the position where we have no choice but to
rely on God.  I'm not a real handy person, but I do like to fix things myself, and now there is nothing
I can do to fix this situation.
I have spent a lot of time agonizing over this and wondering what I had done wrong and all the time
what I was doing wrong was focusing on the situation and not God.  Now I know it is time to rejoice
in what God is doing in my life.  May he have the glory and honor forever.


It's the Fourth

It's the Fourth of July and I wish I could say I was looking forward to it. (There's a lot of I's in that sentence)  Any way, Jasmyn will have visitation all day Saturday and it's an all day thing.  I used to hate when Katie went on visitation, but since her father doesn't come any more, it's not a problem.
The plus side is we're going to Water Country on Friday.  It will probably be crowded, but we won't stay long.  And we usually go early.