Parmesan Lost

A few years ago when Katie had just learned to walk, we were living in an apartment.  Why that's significant I don't know except to say that we were living on one level.  The reason I tell you this will be clear in a moment.  I had been telling Janet how I used to love the Kraft Parmesan cheese for my spaghetti.  You should probably know that Janet prefers to grate her own Parmesan cheese, but because she loves me so she bought me some.

We brought the groceries in and Janet put them away.  Katie was wandering around the apartment.  Later Janet told me that she had bought the cheese but it hadn't been put in any of the bags.  No big deal, it happens.  She would just tell them the next time she went to the store.

A few days later, and thankfully before Janet went back to the store, we saw Katie with a familiar green cylinder.  So that's what happened to the cheese.  We couldn't help but laugh.

A Little Scare A Lotta Hope

This week we had a little scare.  Well maybe not so much a little scare.  I should really start at the beginning.  Someone we know is pregnant and does not want to keep the child.  So we are being allowed to adopt the child.  The only stipulation is that the child will never know who the mother is.  Well we've been trying to adopt for so long, it just seemed to be the ideal situation.

Let's call the mother, Clara, to make things simple.  I am going to stress this is not her real name.

Clara called Janet to tell her when she woke up Monday morning, she found a lot of blood in her panties.  Sorry for being so graphic.  Well, Janet left work to take her to the hospital, and on the way called her mother, and then me.  When I got the call, she was sobbing so hard I could barely understand her.  I asked her if she wanted me to meet her at the hospital, I knew she would say yes.  So I cleared it with my boss and left for the hospital.

On the way to the hospital I began to have a conversation with God.  I have to say I was expecting the worst.  I told God that I didn't understand why He would get my hopes up and then chop my legs out from under me.  I asked if it was that I wasn't supposed to adopt this child or any child for that matter.

I caught up to Janet and Clara at the hospital.  I tried to be positive and joke around so that Janet and Clara wouldn't be any more upset than they already were.  That seemed to work well.

Finally after several hours in the emergency room we had our diagnosis.  (By the way if any one in the emergency room says "I'll be right back."  expect them to be gone a half hour)  The doctor told us that whenever someone is pregnant and is bleeding it is what they call a "threatened abortion."  That's a horrible term for possible miscarriage.  He did make it clear that they didn't know for sure, it could go either way. 

So Janet made an appointment for Clara the next day.

On the next day, Tuesday if your keeping up with that, I was listening to John Macarthur.  He was talking a worship and part of this focused on 1 Thessalonians 5:18 "Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  Take a look at that -- "Give thanks in everything," not only for the good times, but also for bad times.   So I grumbled a little bit, then I said okay God if that's what you and if this is what it takes for me to make an impact then this is what I will do.  It is God who gets all the glory and I will give thanks to Him in all situations, in all things.

I don't know if there is any correlation, but when Janet called me later, I found out the baby was fine.  There is a heartbeat and the baby was thrashing about and kicking.  And I learned an important lesson.

I Hate Chuck E Cheese

I probably shouldn't use the word "hate," but I can't think of a stronger word.

We went to Chuck E Cheese this weekend to celebrate the second birthday of Jasmyn.  Why would you take a two year old to Chuck E Cheese?  But then I digress.  Katie loves it there.  She runs all over the place playing the games and I usually follow here from one game to the next.  At one point I lost her.  I searched all over, and even went back to table.  I asked Janet if she had come back to the table at any time.  Nope.  Now I'm starting to get a little panicky.

Then I heard her, she was crying.  She had taken her tickets to the counter and was trying to cash them in for a purse.  Like she doesn't have enough purses.  We need 399 tickets for the purse and we had forty.  I went back to the skee ball to see if I could win enough more.  Forty-five tickets later. 

Janet and I decided to pay the difference, $3.19.  I think we spoil her.  She was very happy and lo there was make up in the very cheaply made purse, which since Saturday has been all over her face and dresses.  I'm waiting for her run out, then she can have more when I'm dead.

It reminds me of another visit.  It was Katie's first visit and she ran all over as before and was having a ball.  She went with the baby sitter and the other children there.  They were older and knew that the tickets equaled prizes.  They took there tickets to the counter and were getting prizes and candy.  Katie was barely two and she went the counter and look the girl in the eyes and said "I want candy."  I don't the girl knew what to do, she looked at Katie and then looked at me, obviously uncomfortable.  I asked her if I could buy it and she said I could.  So eleven cents later Katie was happy, the girl was relieved, and I was beginning to hate Chuck E Cheese.

That's it I'm a Woman

Friday I was listening to some of my favorite podcasts and they were discussing how a woman feels about her family.  And I thought to myself "That's the way I feel."  About the third time I said this I began think "Okay, I'm a woman!"

Seriously I believe that men are the protectors of their families and I am very protective of my family.  In fact I'm fiercely protective of my family, much like a momma bear and her... wait I didn't want to go that way.

Okay that rationale didn't work.  But I do bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, cause I'm a wo...  Hmmm, this is getting me nowhere.

What is the role of the man?  Is there one anymore?

I think there is a least one and that is to be the head of the family like Christ is to the church.  That's where I want to be.

God Speaks...

Most of the time I love it when God speaks.  I say most of the time.   Lately God has been talking to me about my sin.  I'm not really crazy about that.   I would much rather just stroll along thinking everything is hunky dory.  So much for the illusion of my perfection.  I know I'll tell you "no one's perfect," but in reality I think I am.  Maybe I should have never told God whatever it takes. 

That's not all He's been talking to me about.  I suffer from anxiety, to the point I take medication for it.  There are times when the anxiety wells up inside of my that I think my chest is going to explode.  I know much of my anxiety is self inflicted and God has been speaking to me about trusting in Him.  I've been practicing this anxiety for so many years it will be next to impossible for me to overcome.

I think that part of my anxiety comes from my own feeling of self worth.  I really believe that what I do doesn't matter.  God has been telling me that He is willing to use me if I am willing.  I guess if God is using me to do it, wonderful things will happen.

I could use prayer in all of this.

Meanderings From Tuesday

My last post was not my best post.  I think it was borne out of my desire to be more consistent in writing my blog.  I'm not really sure anyone is really reading this, but I have always had this deep inner desire to be a writer of sorts.  I'm thinking that if I truly want to be a writer that I need to spend more time practicing my craft.  It has been said to "write what you know," but I have always thought what if you don't know anything.  I may have used that before but as I get older I'm finding it harder to remember my way to work.

I spoke last time about the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and now I want to share about Wednesday.  Katie was home with Janet, and I had to go to work.  When I left Katie was still asleep and because she hadn't been feeling well, I was glad.  About 7:30 I got a call at work, I was greeted with "Hi Daddy."  I can't tell you how excited I was.  It was the first time that she had called me at work and I really love these moments.  We talked for a while about things that a man my age can share with a four year old.  She appeared very excited to be able talk to me.  After a while the call of nature hit me so strongly that I had to get off the phone, at least for a short while.  She began to cry.  Of course.  That's my weakness, but I had to go or there would have been a great mess where I was sitting.  I told here I would call her back when I had answered the call.  By the time I called back she was okay because her best friend, Victoria was there to visit for the day.  She did come back to the phone and at one point asked Victoria if she wanted to talk, so I talked to her for a second.  Literally.  But they went off to play and I was forgotten.  Until later.

I had locked my keys in my car so Janet had to drive all the way out my job to let me in.  I won't be doing that again anytime soon, either that or I need to find another way into my car.  Seriously Janet is such a good sport about things like that, sometimes I think she wonders what she got into when she married me.  If she only knew.